When
my father died in April of 2014, leaving me an orphan for the first time in my
life, my friend Bonnie gave me some advice. She was an art therapist and knew
the power of creative endeavor to heal. When she lost both parents, she carried
a sketch book around with her and drew every day.
“This
kind of loss is huge,” she said. “You must find some kind of artistic outlet.”
I
don’t draw, so I wasn’t sure what I would do. But one day I walked into a local
arts and crafts store to kill some time before meeting a friend, and I ran
smack into a display of coloring books. They weren’t crayon coloring books. The
detail was much finer. I picked one up and leafed through. I like to say that
my parents were arranging this from the other side because, as if on cue, a
pleasant woman in a wheel chair rolled into my space and began chatting with me
about them.
“What
do you use to color these with?” I asked. “Markers? Pencils?”
She
recommended pencils and then showed me a wooden egg she had covered with pencil
designs. It was beautiful! “I do these eggs for a hobby and sell them in my sister’s
shop.”
We
chatted a bit more while I picked out my first book ('Ocean Wonders: Color Art for Everyone' by Leisure Arts). I
told her about my mom’s passing in 2011 and how my dad had just passed in April.
I ventured to tell her I thought they had somehow conspired to send her along
to help me get started with this healing project!
“Where
do you find the pencils?” was my next question.
“Follow me!” and so I did… She wheeled and I walked past isles of paints and glitter and fabrics to the back corner of the store where the pencils were displayed. There were so many colors to choose from. Within a few seconds I realized that she was rummaging through her purse looking for pencils too! “You’ll need the colors of the sea!” She pulled out her own stash and began to select a few pencils for me. Now, she didn’t have to do that! But she did! And since receiving is as important a lesson to learn as giving, I took them and put them into my purse with great gratitude. When I made my choices, we exchanged last bits of pleasantries and said our good-byes. I cannot remember her name, but I refer to her as my Coloring Angel to this day.
I
have asked myself and my friend Bonnie if coloring really qualifies as art. I’m
not really creating anything. The design is already there. I know I prefer it
that way at the moment. I prefer the structure of lines already in place. A
blank page is too daunting. The only decision I have to make is what color to use
next. Simple. I am also learning how to shade. To me that is art… No one else
in the whole world will color a page exactly as I do. I choose colors that
reflect how I’m feeling and how I’m seeing things at that moment. I shade as
space presents itself to be shaded. I color the backgrounds too, if there is a background. These pages wear my
signature. That’s what artists do. And I am healing.
I
began coloring to get me through the huge emptiness of no longer having parents
on this earth. That was two and a half years ago. Coloring has carried me through
other emotional storms and given me focus, calm and an outlet for grief. Emotions
carry different color signatures. And they change as you grow through the
experience. Did you know that? It has been an amazing thing to see!
I
have shared some of my colorful experimentations on Flickr.com and here, just
because… coloring should be displayed! And this is the best substitute I can
find for the refrigerator door.
I
hope you enjoy!
